


When Two Is Company

by SubtextEquals



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SubtextEquals/pseuds/SubtextEquals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the summer of his Fifth Year, Remus visits James at his home. But after Sirius shows up on James's doorstep, Remus finds himself stuck as the third wheel.</p><p>Mentions of domestic abuse but otherwise warning free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Winter Wolfstar Wank in two parts. The first part was for the prompt "Remus and James" the second was "Hogwarts years."

This wasn’t the first time that Remus had been to the Potters’ home but he never ceased to be impressed by how spacious it was and full of items so expensive he wondered if they were worth more than Remus’s whole house put together. James never commented on it though, just as his parents never commented on Remus’s ragged clothes whenever he visited. They simply smiled and offered him tea or perhaps some lemonade, considering he was just 16. Remus thanked them and politely declined. He wasn’t used to being waited on. And there was a part of him that couldn’t help but wonder if James’s parents would be half as friendly if they knew what they had invited into their home for the next week.

But he always managed to brush those doubts aside and he did so now. He had more important things to discuss with James. That was the reason for James’s tense smile when he greeted him and the stiff hug he offered. They made their small talk on the way up to James’s room. Remus let the other boy lead although he knew the way well enough by now.

“You haven’t heard from him?” James asked as they stepped into the hall leading to his bedroom.

Remus clutched his trunk tighter and shook his head. “No.”

“Me neither.” James frowned.

They didn’t say anything but then again they didn’t need to. After five years of friendship sometimes words were unnecessary. They knew one another too well.

They didn’t have to share their fears. The Black family had never been kind to their firstborn son. It wasn’t that they held him to higher standards. Rather, Sirius flouted their rules, silent and spoken, and always had since he was a child. In recent years things had only gotten worse between them until Sirius outright refused to return for Christmas. That summer he’d actually begged McGonagall and then the Headmaster to let him stay for the summer but they said it was out of their hands. Sirius, uncharacteristically, hadn’t said a word the entire train ride back to Platform 9 and ¾ in spite of their attempts to drag him out of his depression. The only thing he’d said was “I’ll write to you” before giving each of them a hug. That was over a month ago.

They both had hopes that it was Sirius simply being lazy but he’d never stopped writing to them before. If anything he wrote obsessively over the holidays. At the most Remus had gone by a week without hearing from Sirius and that had been when he’d gone on holiday to Wales. What was more likely was either Sirius had lapsed into a deeper depression or his family had responded to their firstborn son’s friendships by trying to cut them off.

Who even knew if Sirius had received the letters from them.

The reason for Remus’s visit was, outwardly, just to see his good friend. It was hardly unprecedented. Every summer James invited Remus and Peter to his home, usually at the same time, and every summer they took him up on it. Peter happened to be visiting relatives at the time but Remus managed to convince his parents to give him up for a week’s time. And anyway he would be back in time for the full moon.

Seeing James was comforting. It reminded him that while his friends were largely absent from his life over the summer, they still cared about him. Just the sight of his friend reassured him that while he had to spend the next few full moons alone, when he returned to Hogwarts they could get on as they always did and Remus wouldn’t have to worry about ripping himself to pieces, at least not as much. Now though, there was something unsettling in the air between them.

James opened the door to his room and Remus quickly stowed away his trunk next to the bed James’s parents had conjured.

“What are we going to do?” Remus asked.

For possibly the first time since their friendship began, certainly the first time in memory, James merely took off his glasses, wiped them on his shirt, and mumbled. “I don’t know.”

 

They never reached an agreement about what to do. There were too many variables they didn’t know. And anyway the Black family was far from friendly about intruders. James could have gotten away with inquiring if his own family hadn’t been labeled as blood traitors long ago. Remus and Peter, as half bloods, were straight out. If they tried to do anything they could get Sirius into even more trouble than he was in. On the other hand, there was no telling what their friend’s parents were putting him through. It was an untenable position.

In the end, to clear their heads, Remus and James went flying on their brooms. It wasn’t illegal provided they kept low to the ground. Remus’s broom was old, passed down by his father, and James could (and frequently did) fly circles around it but when he was through showing off he slowed down and flew along beside him.

“You wouldn’t be half bad if we got you a decent broom,” he commented as Remus quickly dove out of the way when James fake charged him.

“I’ve told you before, I’m not interested. Thank you, James.” The gratitude was genuine, at least. He just wished that James would stop dropping hints about buying him gifts.

“Why won’t you ever let us buy you things?” James continued. “You know we don’t mind.”

“I don’t want you to trouble yourself,” Remus replied mildly.

“That’s just it.” James put on speed and swerved in front of Remus, forcing him to stop.

“It’s not any trouble,” James continued. “You know it’s not.”

“I’ll never be able to repay you,” Remus protested though his voice remained as calm as ever.

“You’re my friend. That’s payment enough.”

“And that’s exactly why I don’t like it when you buy me things.”

Before James could do more than open his mouth, his mother called them in for dinner. Remus quickly dove to the ground and kicked off his broom, heading inside before James could get another word in.

Fortunately the conversation never came up again. Dinner sufficiently distracted James from the matter. His parents insisted on hearing all about their adventures at Hogwarts. Remus stuck to the tasteful ones, the ones that didn’t risk landing them in detention (there weren’t that many of them). What he would have liked to tell the Potters about was impossible. He wanted to tell them that their son was a hero. He risked his own life, his own health and well being, just to save another student and stop Remus from doing a terrible thing. He wondered if they’d heard anything about the incident at all, however vaguely. It didn’t seem like it. But then again they were already so beaming with pride it was hard to tell.

Remus and his parents had a good relationship, he liked to think. They were distant a lot of times, especially with his father, but good. It was nothing like James’s relationship with his parents. The Potters lived and breathed for their son. They doted on him. The entire world revolved around him.

Remus immediately felt a stab of guilt for the thought. After all, hadn’t his parents tried so hard to cure Remus? They had been well off once. John Lupin had a respectable job. He and his wife were hard workers. It wasn’t until Remus’s… _illness_ that they lost their modest wealth searching in vain for how to heal him.

And it wasn’t like he had Sirius’s parents for his family. Sirius, who had nearly been responsible for Remus’s expulsion let alone his murdering another student. Sirius, who was brilliant and clever and handsome. Sirius, who made Remus’s stomach twist into knots just thinking about him and for the life of him Remus couldn’t tell if it was unpleasant or not.

It wasn’t until James nudged him under the table that Remus realized he’d drifted off into his own thoughts. He smiled and paused to catch up with the conversation before joining in again.

 

That night Remus was restless. It wasn’t that he had energy to spare. He and James had torn about the house and the surrounding neighborhood so fast and violently that by the time they retired to bed both of them were exhausted. Too exhausted, fortunately, for James to string together much more than a few mumbled words of “good night” and “sleep well.” He was especially too tired to think about their conversation while flying.

Remus didn’t know why it haunted him still. James was right, after all, they were friends and he didn’t doubt that it was nothing to James. After all, he lived in luxury. He had become accustomed to it. Remus glanced at his friend, already sound asleep and snoring faintly. James’s hair stuck out even more than usual and his face was pressed up against the pillow.

Sighing, Remus turned over so that he lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

There were so many layers to their friendship. They each played multiple, sometimes conflicting roles, but they were always there for each other. More and more though, it seemed that Remus was the one who needed help. Remus needed the others to be his friend, whereas the others had no worries about making new ones. They didn’t need to worry about what would happen if their own dirty little secrets saw the light of day. Remus needed them to overlook the fact that he was a werewolf. Remus needed them to stay with him during the full moon. Remus was responsible for them _breaking the law_. The last thing he could do was to ask for yet more on top of all that, not when they’d done so much for him already. He just didn’t understand why the others didn’t see it like that. Perhaps he never would.

It was well into the night by the time Remus fell asleep. Fortunately, the Potters didn’t mind letting both him and James sleep in. He got the sense that a late breakfast was a regular occurrence over the summer.

James insisted on flying again in order to wake up. This time he set up makeshift hoops to throw a quaffle through. Sensing that James was looking to practice his skills over the summer, Remus offered to be Keeper. He didn’t do a half bad job and managed to block a decent number of James’s shots (decent being less than half, not a small feat considering he was playing against James Potter, rising Quidditch star and Captain of the Gryffindor team). By the time they were done they were simultaneously wide awake and drained. They went inside and took turns showering.

James was still drying off by the time Remus was done washing himself. His hair was even more unkempt than it had been last night. He still hadn’t pulled on a shirt but at least had some trousers on. Remus couldn’t help but appreciate the contours of his body although in an almost clinical sense. There was something almost vulgar about thinking of James in that light. Almost, because he couldn’t pretend it hadn’t occurred to him before, ashamed as he was to admit it. But that had been years ago and before someone else had caught his eye.

The words were out of Remus’s mouth before he knew he was speaking them. “What do you think he’s doing now?”

James didn’t have to ask for clarification. Perhaps it said too much about both of them that their first thoughts were of Sirius and not Peter.

“Probably in his room practicing spells and wishing he could burn the house down.” James tried to sound light but he couldn’t hide the worry in his voice. He clapped his hand on Remus’s shoulder. “Come on, you need to change out of those clothes and then we’ll have lunch.”

 

The rest of the day was largely quiet. Still recovering first from the day before and now that morning, they played a game of chess, more to satisfy Remus’s intellectual needs for the day. As they played they talked about school, pranks gone wrong and gone well, Lily (who came up more than once), what Peter was doing and then, inevitably, they came back around to Sirius. What they could do (nothing, aside from a daring rescue ignoring the fact that neither of them knew precisely where 12 Grimmauld Place was) and whether or not they should bother writing to him again (yes, but try to keep anything personal out of it in case his parents were going over them).

It wasn’t until dinner that they received an answer to their question earlier that day. What was he doing?

Remus was in the middle of swallowing a mouthful of a particularly delicious dish, courtesy of Mrs. Potter, when the doorbell rang. Frowning, James’s father got up to answer the door, grumbling about how some people ought to know better about when to visit and hadn’t they at least contact him over the floo first?

A half minute later they heard something that made them all drop their forks.

“Sirius Black!”

Both Remus and James sprang to their feet but James actually shoved him out of the way as he ran to the door. Remus tried not to take it too personally. After all, as close as he and James were, he knew that the true best friends in their group were Sirius and James.

Sirius was in the middle of making his own greeting when Remus reached the door. Fortunately James was still shorter than he was he didn’t have to do anything to look over him.

“Hullo, Mr. Potter sorry to bother— James!” Sirius grinned broadly at the sight of his friend and soon James slipped past his father to pull the other boy into a tight hug. It was only then that Remus got a clear view of his face. There was a bright red mark shaped suspiciously like a handprint on his left cheek and that side of his face was swelling slightly.

Remus’s stomach dropped but at the same time he felt an inexplicable rush of relief when he saw that Sirius had brought a trunk with him. There were two conflicting lines of thought running through Remus’s head, an odd mix of _oh Sirius, what have you done?_ and _you finally did it. Good for you._

Sirius caught his eyes and smiled. Remus felt that familiar sensation of his stomach turning over and over inside of him.

“Are you hiding Peter in there too?” He asked.

“Sorry to disappoint,” James answered before Remus could so much as open his mouth. He pulled back and regarded his friend. “What happened to you, mate?”

“Long story.” Sirius looked at Mr. Potter. “Don’t suppose you have room at the table for one more?”

Mr. Potter placed his hand on Sirius’s shoulder and Remus could actually see the tension leave his body.

“Of course we do. Come on in. I’ll get your trunk.”

While Sirius and James’s father argued over who would carry his things in, Remus realized he was smiling. He looked over at James and, though there was no mirror in sight, he was sure they shared the same relieved expression.

_Finally, he’s home._


	2. Chapter 2

All in all, Remus thought he’d be happier to be sharing a house with Sirius. Instead it brought up a variety of issues. For one, the confusion the other boy had thrown him into for the past year and a half had returned, after an all too brief break. And then there was the inseparable duo themselves. Remus had long since become accustomed to Sirius and James being on the same wavelength almost constantly. They were, without a doubt, the closest of the four Marauders. And that was all right, Remus insisted. It was all right that he would never have that sort of bond. It was all right that Sirius felt that James was a better friend. It was… it was just all right.

Remus knew that this was the most he could hope for. He was lucky to have their friendship at all. And he truly was grateful that Sirius was here, free from the home of his parents, even if the circumstances weren’t what they would have liked. But he couldn’t help but feel somewhat resentful. This had been his time to spend with James. He hadn’t realized how much he appreciated the weeks he spent at his friend’s home over the summer. When Peter wasn’t there it was just the two of them and for once he had his friend’s undivided attention. That came all too rarely at Hogwarts.

But then how could he blame James? Sirius caught people’s eyes wherever he went. It was the careless grace with which he carried himself, Remus was sure. He walked with casual elegance. Now that his hair had grown out over the summer, no doubt from sequestering himself in his room, he was sure to garner even more attention. The other boy liked it that way. He liked it when people stared. Remus only hoped his friend didn’t notice how often that he himself was staring.

The evening that Sirius had arrived at their household they all bombarded him with questions. Most of them held largely cryptic responses but he was upfront about how he’d come there. With some of the money he’d thought to bring he’d taken a ride on the Knight Bus and come to his best friend’s home. Sirius smiled faintly and added that he wasn’t sure if he would be too much of a bother. Mrs. Potter had patted his hand and assured him that it was no imposition at all. James seemed delighted that Sirius was here and, for his part, so was Remus, in spite of the sea of emotions that churned inside of him.

Sirius was not as forthcoming about what had happened to provoke his departure. They had all noticed the mark on his face, though no one said anything out loud. It was clear that they all knew from their shared glances as they looked around. But Sirius ignored any pointed questions and just said there had been an argument. After all the ravings he’d put up with as a child and adolescent, Remus could only wonder at just how bad that argument was to drive Sirius out on the streets, disowned by his family and from his inheritance.

When it was clear that the questions were wearing on Sirius and that they weren’t going to get much more out of him that night, James took out his set of gobstones. Remus watched as the two played, cheering on each of them in turn. He was rewarded for his efforts by being squirted right in the face by one of the gobstones when Sirius ducked out of the way.

“Oh Moony, I’m sorry. I forgot you were right behind me.”

Remus wiped away some of the mess with his hand but more of it dripped down his neck and onto his clothes. “Part of the hazards of the game,” he said lightly as he stood. “I’d best wash up. That makes it-- the second shower of the day? I hope the enchantment to heat your water holds, Prongs. I’d hate for it to run out on you.”

“Or on you, you mean.” James poked his stomach as he walked by.

“Second shower of the day?” Sirius asked, taking a break from the game to lounge back. Disowned or not he still looked every bit the heir of a wealthy family. “Prongs, have you been trying to get our Remus out of his clothes?”

While Remus laughed James pressed his hand to his chest and intoned his answer gravely.

“Padfoot, there is only one person I want to get out of their clothes and her name is Lily Evans.”

“Oh, don’t get him started again,” Remus said, lingering in the room. “You won’t believe how many times I’ve had to hear him go on about her. I swear, he’s made a new record.”

“I pine for my love every day of our parting,” James continued in mock solemnity.

“And she breathes a sigh of relief every second of it. Oy!”

James had picked up a gobstone and flung it at Sirius. He narrowly dodged and they both erupted into laughter as James lunged for him, placing him in a headlock.

“Moony, save me!” Sirius cried as he tried to wrestle his friend off.

“I would, dear Padfoot, but as I recall it’s your fault I need to shower.”

Sirius managed to wrangle James off of him for a moment. He had enough time to meet Remus’s eyes.

“All according to my plan,” he said, and there was something oddly serious in his eyes, even though his mouth had formed a smile.

James made some comment under his breath that Remus couldn’t hear and Sirius elbowed him.

“I’m going to shove this gobstone down your throat and make you choke on i,.” Sirius said, grabbing one of the aforementioned items and holding it up menacingly.

“That’s my cue to leave,” Remus commented. “I’m on holiday for the summer, you know. I can’t stop you from killing each other all the time.”

 

As a precautionary measure Remus put the water on as cold as he could tolerate. There was something disturbing about the idea of needing to wank in one of his best mate’s home and he had no intention of risking it. It wasn’t that Sirius had done anything especially ravishing that day. The problem was he didn’t always need to. Sometimes he just had to exist, had to be in the same proximity as Remus, breathing the same air, and God if he ever dared to put his arm around him and lean in, as Remus noticed more and more lately, that usually spelled disaster at night.

This time, probably thanks to the cold water running down his body, he was safe. He took particular care scrubbing his face, dried off, and put on the pyjamas he’d grabbed before entering the bathroom. It was late enough that he might as well. When he was finished he went downstairs, expecting to find his friends still joking around but they weren’t there. The set of gobstones had been put away so Remus didn’t feel obligated to clean up. Brow furrowing, he went upstairs, surprised that his friends had called it an early night. It only occurred to him as he opened the door that perhaps they had taken the opportunity to retreat for a serious conversation.

Remus knew at once that his guess was right. His two friends sat on James’s bed. Sirius’s profile was in view and it was clear from the splotchy red around his eyes that if he hadn’t been crying then he was holding back tears. James looked uncharacteristically sympathetic and he had his arm around his friend in a display of brotherly affection. Or rather, what Remus hoped was such a display.

They both looked up when Remus opened the door. Sirius quickly looked away while James held his gaze and they shared a look of anguish on behalf of their friend. It cut Remus deeply to see Sirius like this, a boy so rarely moved to tears.

Gingerly, Remus stepped towards his friends, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked quietly.

Sirius shook its head. “It’s done," he said hoarsely. “I’m never going back again,” he said with a sudden ferocity that would have been surprising if it came from anyone other than Sirius Black.

Remus wanted to reach out to his friend. He longed to place his hand on his shoulder and even more so to pull him into his arms and hold him but before Remus could think more about it Sirius shrugged away from James’s arm.

“Let’s go to bed,” he said roughly, lying down on one side of his friend’s bed.

“You can take mine if you—”

Sirius cut off Remus’s offer with a gruff “I’m fine here.”

Remus shared another glance with James, who shrugged and lay down on the opposite side of his bed. Suppressing a sigh, Remus got up and crawled into bed.

Both he and James pretended they couldn’t hear Sirius sobbing that night.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Sirius seemed cheerful enough even though the left side of his face was swollen from where he’d been struck. James offered to get something for him but Sirius shrugged him off and insisted they go down for a late breakfast. About midway through clearing the scrambled eggs a rapping noise came from the window. Mr. Potter, already done with his breakfast, opened the windowpane and in came a screech owl, immediately recognizable as Sirius’s.

She immediately flew over to James and held out one claw, attached to it was a letter. After James relieved her of her burden, the owl flew to her owner and perched on his shoulders.

“Ouch! Astra, your talons.”

Letting out a low hoot, the owl flapped its wings and flew done to set on—

“Not the table. Do you know any manners?” There was nothing but affection in his tone and Sirius reached over and stroked the bird’s feathers. “I’m sorry, Mr. Potter. She’s wild, this one.”

“I don’t know where she gets it from,” James’s father replied with a smile.

Astra, named when Sirius was 11 and still unexposed to the broader and less exotic naming conventions of the rest of society, nipped Sirius’s hand.

“Oy, I’m happy to see you too, girl, but I’m trying to eat. Go on, up to James’s room, you know the way. The door’s open. There should be some water for you there and I’ll say hello later.”

Another hoot later and after the flutter of wings Astra was gone.

Sirius picked some feathers from his plate and sighed before pushing it away.

“Loyal as anything but I wish she had a bit more common sense.”

“Hm, James’s dad is right. I don’t know where she gets it from,” Remus said mildly.

Sirius kicked him under the table but it was worth it for the grin Remus saw flash across his face. This time Remus decide that the way his stomach twisted in response was not unpleasant at all.

James, meanwhile, had opened the letter. Looking particularly solemn, he looked up at Sirius.

“You sent this off right before you left, didn’t you?”

Sirius tensed. He reached for his milk only to find an owl feather in there too. “Excuse me,” he said, jumping on any reason to leave. “I need to get something I can actually eat.”

Both Remus and James moved as one, getting up and following Sirius to the kitchen. With his back to them, Sirius’s shoulders squared and he finally turned around, folding his arms over his chest. It wasn’t a gesture of defiance, judging by the lost expression on his face. Remus took it to mean Sirius needed some reassurance, if only from himself.

“My parents didn’t want any more corrupting influences on their son and they confiscated all your letters. They locked Astra up too until I finally got her free. I only had time to send a note before they caught up to me and,” Sirius shrugged. “It all went downhill from there.” He turned to the drawers, frowned, turned back and then asked. “Where are the plates?”

“Were they really thinking of sending you to Durmstrang?” James asked.

Remus looked over at James, astonished. No wonder he’d looked so grave after reading that small note.

“Oh, never mind. Here they are.” Sirius pulled out a new plate from the drawer. “And here’s a glass too.” He flashed them both a winning smile and held up said glass. “Cheers.”

“Sirius.”

“It had come up,” Sirius said as he turned his back on them once again to pour himself some milk before piling more scrambled eggs onto his plate. “They threw it in my face again yesterday, along with a number of other things, and I decided I’d had enough.” Holding up his plate and milk, he finally stared back at his friends. “Are we going to finish breakfast or do I have to answer another hundred or so questions?”

After a short pause and yet another meaningful glance at each other, James and Remus answered as one.

“Breakfast.”

Just when they finished, James’s father came and stood over Sirius. He laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Sirius, would you mind talking with Dorea and I?”

Sirius looked over at his friends, a hint of anxiety in his eyes that soon vanished when he looked back to his best friend’s father. “Sure,” He said and with a quick nod to his friends he stood and followed Mr. Potter into another room.

“Shall we?” James asked.

Remus nodded. They both walked carefully to the door and pressed their ears to the crack.

From what they could hear Mr. and Mrs. Potter were going over options with Sirius. They asked if there was anyone he had any relatives he could live with. The answer to that was no, of course, as his uncle Alphard, while fond of him, was far too set in his ways to consider taking in a wayward nephew. Meanwhile his cousin Andromeda, who he secretly exchanged letters with at Hogwarts, had a young child of her own and couldn’t possibly afford taking him in.

Likely no one was surprised when the Potters offered to take Sirius in for good but there was still a moment of silence as the other boy processed the news. He didn’t say anything, rather all they heard was some muffled sniffles and James’s father saying “think nothing of it” while Mrs. Potter made soothing sounds. Remus could clearly see the scene in his mind’s eye, Sirius wrapped in the arms of someone who actually loved him as a mother should, finally being comforted as he should have been for 16 long years. He suddenly felt guilty for his eavesdropping and moved away, bumping into James as he did so. James shot him a disgruntled look but remained where he was as Remus made his way back to the table.

James returned shortly before his parents and Sirius, with just enough time to take his seat again and lean forward as if he’d been talking to Remus the whole time. James’s parents seemed none the wiser. Meanwhile Sirius looked at them suspiciously.

“Sirius will be staying with us,” James’s mother said. She stood behind Sirius and placed both hands on his shoulders, squeezing him gently. “We know how fond you are of him, James and seeing as he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”

James grinned and sprang to his feet, acting as if the news was a surprise. He threw his arms around his friend. “This will be great. We’ll have all summer to ourselves.”

“Try not to get into too much trouble,” James’s father said dryly.

“Mr. Potter,” Remus began. “Believe me, that is an impossible thing to ask for.”

 

While Mr. and Mrs. Potter went to Diagon Alley to buy new furniture for Sirius’s recent addition to the family, Sirius himself went upstairs to make sure that Astra wasn’t fussing too much. Once he was out of earshot, James turned to Remus.

“What do you think of his story?”

“I think we’ve heard as much of it as he’s ready to tell us.” He paused. “Unless you’ve heard more.”

There was a pause, slight but long enough to give James away. He opened his mouth. Remus cut him off.

“I suspected as much. It’s all right, I know you’re best friends,” Remus said and wished that it truly didn’t bother him as much as he pretended.

“You’re his best friend too,” James said, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “He didn’t tell me much, for what it’s worth. You know what his family is like. He’d rather forget all that.” He looked over in the direction Sirius had headed off to. “He wouldn’t tell me who hit him either. I overheard him telling my parents he doesn’t want anything done about that. Doesn’t want the trouble.”

James had done his best to smooth over the awkwardness of Remus not having been the one Sirius confided in but it didn’t take away from the ache the werewolf felt in his chest. It was the culmination of the events of that morning and last night. Not being ignored but perhaps neglected in all the excitement of Sirius’s arrival, being unable to comfort his friend when James had slung his arm around him, and then the stinging realization that when Sirius had only one person to write to, James had been the one and he knew with stunning clarity that Sirius would never feel for Remus what Remus felt for him.

“I need some fresh air,” Remus said, not caring how feeble the excuse was as he made for the backdoor and the entrance to the garden.

Mrs. Potter kept her garden meticulous. Remus supposed that she had enough free time now that she was in retirement and her only son was away at school more often than not. Remus wandered down the small path to the bench on the other side of the yard and sat there. He stared at the grass, then his gaze drifted to the flowers swaying in the breeze. Finally, he happened to glance up.

The window to James’s room was above him and he saw Sirius gazing out at him. Their eyes locked for a long moment and Remus imagined that they were both sharing their grief, though the reasons for it differed. He knew that they were both doing their best to suppress the emotions they felt. It seemed like neither of them were doing a particularly good job.

From this distance Remus couldn’t see the forlorn expression in Sirius’s eyes but he didn’t need to. He knew it was there just like he knew that Sirius could see him clearly, tired and alone.

The next moment Sirius withdrew from the window. It was just as well. Remus was used to being on his own. He shouldn’t be drowning himself in illusions, pretending that his friends understood him as well as he understood them.

He sat in silence, letting the breeze sweep his hair into what was surely a mess. Sighing, he smoothed down his hair. Then he set his arm on the back of the bench and rested his chin on his hand. He let his gaze fall on the flowers again.

Melancholy, self-pity, self-loathing, all things he fell into too quickly when on his own. He could put up a good act otherwise but when alone there was no reason to pretend.

_How pathetic, Lupin. Feeling sorry for yourself. You should be happy you have friends at all._

The door to the house creaked open. Remus looked up and saw Sirius step through. He walked over to Remus though he couldn’t quite meet his gaze until he was several feet away from him. When he reached the bench he took a seat next to his friend.

They said nothing, sharing a glance and a quiet smile before they both surveyed the garden. Sirius put his arm around Remus and leaned into him. Remus covered Sirius’s hand with his own. They sat in silence but understood everything that passed between them.


	4. Chapter 4

When James’s parents returned from Diagon Alley they brought more than furniture with them. They presented Sirius with a brand new broom, one more modern than James’s even. Not to be left out, Remus found himself also unwrapping a broom shaped gift. He just barely restrained himself from glaring at James, who had no doubt planned this since the other day and talked to his parent about it. Or maybe Remus was giving the Potters too little credit. They were affectionate and almost as free with their money as James was.

“I saw James chasing you around the other day, dear,” Mrs. Potter said. “If you don’t like it at least use it when you’re here.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Remus managed faintly.

“Me neither,” Sirius said.

“You don’t have to say anything. Let’s see you fly.”

 

Remus was unaccustomed to the speed of his new broom and on more than one occasion he shot past his friends by almost a yard. Sirius, used to the more modern brooms, was having only slight problems adjusting to his. Remus never would have noticed if James didn’t take the opportunity to exploit them at every turn—literally. At least Sirius’s presence meant that James went easy on Remus. For the most part.

As Remus swerved back to his friends he found himself grateful that they had no bludgers to practice with. Laughing, Sirius had retaliated against James by flying in close enough to clip the tail of his broom.

From below, James’s father shouted something up that was swallowed by the wind. Sirius waved his apology and put some distance between him and James, who was only laughing.

Remus didn’t know what it felt like to have a brother, a proper one and not like the kind of estranged relationship Sirius and Regulus had, but he imaged it would be something like the scene he’d just witnessed.

Well, he considered as he viewed them laughing, probably there would be more hostility. Sirius and James weren’t quite brothers but they were more than friends. Not for the first time that day, Remus felt as though he was intruding. The feeling remained by the time they were done. Exhausted and sweating from so much time in the swelteringly hot summer sun, they took turns showering.

James decided to sneak into his parents’ bath to shower, an area that was off limits to Remus. Sirius tried to offer Remus the first turn bathing but the werewolf wouldn’t hear of it.

“Besides,” Remus said as he gave Sirius a gentle push into the room. “You stink.”

“Just what I want to hear from you,” Sirius teased and before Remus could get in another word he closed the door.

_From you._

Remus decided that either Sirius had been struck harder than any of them suspected or, more likely, he was reading too much into things.

Remus was surprised when Sirius took a quick shower as he was notorious with having to be coaxed out (read: yelled at him until he left). When Sirius stepped out of the bathroom he was half dressed and shivering. Water still trailed down the well developed muscles of his chest and for a traitorous moment Remus found himself following a drop streaming down the other boy’s torso.

Before Sirius could say anything, and before Remus could detach his tongue from the roof of his mouth, he stepped past Sirius and closed the door behind him.

Remus didn’t bother with much heat at all. All ready stirring from the sight of a half naked Sirius, he stepped into the freezing shower. It was a fine motivation to hurry up and wash as quickly as possible. He didn’t allow himself to dwell on how Sirius looked just now, or how he’d moved through the air, and he especially didn’t think about earlier that day, when Sirius had wrapped his arm around him and leaned into him, close enough that Remus could breathe in his scent. That is to say, he tried not to think about it.

When Remus emerged from the shower he was trembling as badly as Sirius had minutes before. It didn’t occur to him why that might be.

 

The week at James’s stretched on. It grew closer to the time that Remus had to leave and, as always, closer to the full moon. As a result, and in spite of his best efforts, Remus was growing shorter with his friends. That led them to give him a wide berth, which felt even more like they were ignoring him, and made the werewolf even testier than usual. Rinse and repeat.

Remus was grateful that he’d brought a book along for some light reading in case he couldn’t sleep. It hadn’t been a problem up until now but as the moon waxed he could feel a restlessness deep in his bones. The wolf was closer to the surface and ready to lash out at any given moment if Remus would let him. But it wasn’t night when Remus lay on his bed, one leg propped over another, and read. It was daytime and he couldn’t tell if he was ignoring his friends or if they were ignoring him.

He was in the middle of the second chapter when Sirius came into the room, not bothering to knock but then why should he? It wasn’t Remus’s room. Sirius now had more claim to it as they were still converting the study for use as his bedroom.

“Are you going to read all day?” He asked, folding his arms over his chest. “Come on, James and I want to go check out the country. I’m sure we can find some trouble out there.”

“Hm.” Remus turned a page even though he wasn’t done reading the one he was on. One of the benefits of having previously read a book before, he didn’t have to worry about spoiling himself. “You can go without me.”

“Remus.” Sirius’s playful tone dropped and he grabbed Remus’s book out of his hands.

Remus bit back a snarl. “Sirius, give that back.” He only just managed to keep his voice level.

“You only get two more days with us., Sirius said, dangling the book precariously by its spine. “And you want to read a book?”

“I’m sorry if I’m not up for tromping around the countryside.” Remus sat up and lunged for his book. Grabbing it from Sirius’s hands, he pressed it to his chest and lay back on the bed. “It’s not as if you’ll miss me,” he grumbled.

“What was that?”

“Nothing,” Remus said. He flipped through the pages, looking for where he’d last left off. “Go on and have fun with James.”

Sirius hesitated for a moment and Remus was sure that he was in the clear. Then, however, Sirius sat down next to Remus. His hand rested close to Remus’s body as he rested his weight on it.

“I want to have fun with you,” he said softly.

Remus’s breath caught in his throat. He looked up at Sirius, who had a pink flush to his cheeks.

“That came out wrong.”

Remus finally managed to draw a breath but just as quickly it left him in the form of an uneasy laugh. “Yeah, it did.”

“But I mean it,” Sirius continued.

Remus considered it. Spending the day trying to keep up with his energetic friends, doing his best to ignore his protesting muscles and the envy that came rippling through him.

“I’m just not up for it,” Remus said.

“All right. We could fly—you’re not half bad, you know. You should try out for the team.”

Remus let out a loud laugh. “We both know I’d never make it. Even James couldn’t make enough excuses for the all the practices I’d miss.”

Sirius looked away. “Sorry,” he said. “I wasn’t thinking.”

_You rarely do._

“It’s nothing,” Remus said. He’d finally found the page he was on but instead of reading he slipped his finger between the pages and closed the book.

“I’ve been thinking,” his friend said suddenly, looking back at Remus. “For the full moon Prongs can’t handle you on his own but now that I’m—out of that place—we can keep you company during the summer.”

Remus sighed and set his book aside. “Sirius, I can’t say how grateful I am but we can’t. We’re all still underage. You can’t apparate to my house and even if you could my parents lock me up at night. You wouldn’t be able to get in.”

“Moony, I brought my knife with me,” Sirius said, his voice rising the way it did whenever he was convinced that he had a brilliant plan. “You know it can open anything. They can lock you in, I’ll unlock it, Prongs and I will come in and be with you when you change. We’ll lock ourselves in while we’re there.”

“And how will you get there?”

Sirius remained undeterred. “We’ll sneak out and take the Knight Bus. Remus, it’s perfect.”

“And you think they’ll just let you? What if James’s parents find out you’re gone? They’re not stupid, Sirius.” _And what if your status as an Animagus is discovered? I won’t see you in Azkaban._

“Of course they’re not but—”

“The full moon rises early next month. You wouldn’t be able to sneak away without them knowing,” Remus laid his hand over Sirius’s. “It was a good idea, Sirius but it won’t—”

“I’ll make it work. Moony—”

Remus hated it whenever Sirius took a pleading tone with them. Usually it meant he gave into whatever it was Sirius had planned but in this case…

He reached for his book again, signifying the end of the conversation. “We can’t, Sirius. They keep me in a shed when I transform. It’s too small for all of us. I could hurt you and James.”

“You’re always too worried.”

Remus looked back up at Sirius, his eyes flashing dangerously. “When it comes to your safety? You’re damn right, I am.”

“This isn’t about me!”

“It’s always about you!” Remus snapped, sitting up suddenly and for his life he didn’t know what he meant, if Sirius was convinced that the world revolved around him or if Remus was.

He rubbed his temple. “I mean… what I meant is—”

“I know what you meant,” Sirius said coldly. He slid off of the bed and onto his feet. In moments he was at the door. “Enjoy your book.”

Remus winced as the door slammed behind his friend. He threw his book at the foot of the bed and buried his face in his hands.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius and Remus didn’t say a word to each other for the rest of that day. In fact, Sirius said very little at all. Too late, Remus realized that he’d hit a sensitive spot. He had no way of knowing what Sirius had heard when his parents were screaming at him earlier that week but it must have been close to what Remus had snapped at him. Still, it was clear that any apology was unwelcome.

That evening when Remus tried to make one anyway Sirius scoffed and walked away from him. Remus hadn’t even been able to get anything more out than a faint “Sirius.”

Instead of following him, Remus went upstairs and did what he should have done days ago. He started packing his things. Sirius and James got along just fine on their own, more than fine honestly, and Remus was just the third wheel here. It wasn’t like that at school where they had established their own dynamics and fell into them well. Here they were struggling all over again like the First Years they had been so long ago. In the midst of all of this change it was better to remove himself from the equation.

“Just what are you doing?” James’s gaze was stern as he watched Remus from the doorway.

Remus didn’t hesitate when it came to packing but mentally his brain had frozen. He hadn’t yet thought of how to word this to his friends. “I figured I’d go home early. The full moon will be bad this month and I should get some rest.”

“You can get some rest here.”

“I really think it’s best that I leave. Sirius is still adjusting to living here and…” Remus folded his shirt and placed it in his trunk. “And I think I’m just making everything worse," he admitted. Best that he confess now when James could do damage control when he was gone. “I was short with him earlier and—”

“And he took it personally. He does that. You know he gets over it once he’s done sulking.”

“And he’ll get over it faster when I’m gone.”

James watched him fold his clothes for a bit longer. “You really don’t have any idea, do you?”

“About what?” Remus looked up but James was gone.

“Wait there,” James called to him.

Remus shook his head. He gave up on his packing and instead rifled through James’s drawers. He placed the invisibility cloak around his neck, made sure he was properly covered, and stepped out of the room before his friend inevitably dragged Sirius back to make amends.

He would only be gone for a short time. Just enough to clear his head.

James was taking the stairs at a storm. With as much noise as he was making Remus didn’t have to worry about being overheard. When the boy moved to the den to confront Sirius, Remus walked to the back door. No one heard him leave over the raised voices coming from the other room.

“Black, get off your arse and tell him right n—”

Not caring to hear James guilt his friend into an apology, Remus quickly slid the door shut behind him and walked down the garden path. He could still hear yelling from the house but the further along he walked the more it faded. By the time he reached the bench he couldn’t hear anything.

Remus felt a pang of guilt at having made a hasty retreat. Not very Gryffindor of him, he couldn’t help but think it necessary. He didn’t want to make up with Sirius if he was forced into it. He would eventually talk to him, though. He would have to. That much was clear from James’s tone and the purposeful strides he made. Remus was under no illusions that they wouldn’t search for him but at least this way he had a few minutes to collect himself.

That wasn’t, however, what happened. Instead he found himself thinking about the past week and not in a good way. He was regretting having come at all. And here he was only making matters worse, making a scene when he was trying to be inconspicuous. He glanced up and saw two figures through James’s window. Sirius glanced out of the window but before Remus could resolve things by throwing back his hood he had gone.

_You didn’t think that one through, did you?_ All he’d done was act in a blind panic though he hadn’t recognized it as such as the time and now he had to deal with the consequences.

Remus stood and took off the invisibility cloak but instead of walking back to the house he lingered. He needed more time to think, to be to himself, and then he’d go in.

A few minutes stretched on and although he hadn’t found clarity, Remus was about to go in and face his best friends when the door to the house opened. Instead of a human he saw a large black dog clamber back onto all fours. Sirius had long since perfected the art of opening doors in his Animagus form.

_Clever, Sirius._

Even if Remus had still been wearing the invisibility cloak Sirius would have been able to smell him. The werewolf waited as the dog trotted over to him, holding out his hands as he came near so that Padfoot could butt them with his head. The dog pressed his nose against Remus’s leg and let out a soft whine.

Remus rubbed his ears. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have made you worry.”

Padfoot took a few steps back and transformed back. He didn’t say anything, just took a seat beside his friend as he had days before.

“I just wanted to be alone for a bit,” Remus said quietly.

“I know. And—” Sirius flicked at his trousers. “I’m sorry I made you want to run off.”

“I did not—”

Sirius looked at him and the expression on his face lived up to his name. “Remus, you were packing your bags.”

Whatever Remus had been planning to say died the moment he stared into those sad grey eyes. Eyes that seemed to say _you were planning on leaving me._ And Remus could not deny that he’d been set on doing just that.

He couldn’t lie to Sirus, not when he was looking at him so earnestly.

“I don’t want to be in the way,” Remus admitted, however reluctantly.

“You’re not,” Sirius said quickly. “Why would you think that?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Remus countered. “I know you and James are close. I know I can’t compete with him. And you’ve had all summer apart and—it’s just best if I let you catch up. It’s all right. I understand.”

Sirius’s jaw dropped slightly but he soon recovered. “No, you don’t. You don’t understand at all. I—how long have you been thinking that?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it does.” Sirius shifted closer to Remus and turned so that he was facing him entirely. “Remus, you’re not James. You’re someone different and clever and funny and wonderful all on your own. You don’t need to compete with him.”

_Don’t I?_

“You’re right,” Remus said just to appease him. He moved to get up. “Come on, let’s go b—” As he went to stand Sirius grabbed his hand and pulled him back down.

“I am right,” Sirius said firmly. “Remus, if you think we’ve been ignoring you then—”

Remus wrenched his hand free from Sirius’s. “You have been ignoring me and you don’t even know it,” he said before he could stop himself. He took a deep breath to settle himself. For that sudden outburst he would blame the moon, the wolf, anything other than himself and the feelings he was suppressing too strongly.

“I haven’t,” Sirius said slowly. “I just don’t know how to act around you.”

“We’ve known each other for almost six years now,” Remus said dryly. “I think you’ve figured it out by now.”

“I had and then…” Sirius trailed off and bit his lip, a largely uncharacteristic response from the usually composed and elegant boy. “For the past year I’ve been very confused about a lot of things but I think I finally figured it out and…” Sirius didn’t say anything more. He did reach slowly, tentatively, for Remus’s face.

Remus sucked in a breath and held it as Sirius’s fingers traced over his cheek.

“You’re not like James,” Sirius said finally. “And I don’t want you to be. I don’t want you to be anyone but who you are.”

Remus drew closer to Sirius. Their knees bumped against each other. Their lips were inches away. “Why?” He asked.

“I’m in love with you.” The words fell from Sirius’s lips and suddenly Remus could hear nothing else.

Not “you’re my friend.” Not “I care about you.” Not even “I fancy you.”

_I’m in love with you._

Remus kissed Sirius, wrapping his arm around his waist and pulling him close. Sirius parted his lips and soon Remus could taste him. They pushed against each other, struggling to find a way to become as close as possible. Neither of them cared about the chill of the night air when all they could feel was the warmth emanating from the other.

They would have stayed like that forever if they could have, wrapped in each other’s embrace, breathing in the same air and just _kissing_ as though their lives depended on it. But they heard the door creak open and both turned to see James smirking at them from inside the house.

“Do you mind, Prongs?” Sirius asked, not letting go of Remus, who was squirming in his grasp in an attempt to get away from him.

“My mistake, I should have known you would be snogging each other in my garden.”

“Damn right you should have,” Sirius retorted. He gave Remus a crestfallen look when the boy pulled out of his arms and stood.

“I er, have your cloak,” Remus said weakly, holding out the item in question.

“Yes, I know.” James walked over to his friend.

Remus met him half way and handed the invisibility cloak over.

James looked from Sirius to Remus. “Are we all good now?”

Remus looked over at his love and smiled. “I think so.”

 

That night Sirius started off in James’s bed, both of them on opposite sides. It was only fitting considering that a. the Potters had been talking to them directly before they went to sleep and b. the bed Remus was sleeping in had only enough room for one person.

But those were no longer issues later on in the night. Shortly after Remus heard James’s light snoring he also heard Sirius getting up. Turning, he found Sirius inches away from his bed. He moved over to make enough room for his friend, his—well, that would get confusing. Labels usually were.

“Didn’t think you’d be able to sleep.” Even in the darkness the smirk on Sirius’s face was visible, then again they were close enough that Remus could feel the warmth of his breath.

“I knew you wouldn’t.” Remus smiled and his arms found their way around Sirius’s body, bringing him close.

They kissed again, long and languid, and now that they were lying down it was easier to figure out exactly how to press against each other. And _move_ , oh—

“Merlin,” Sirius gasped. His hips bucked forward into Remus’s, who returned the favor.

“Sirius…” Remus moaned. He searched for and found Sirius’s lips, kissing him hard as they rocked together. The heat came rising up inside of Remus, pooling in his stomach and then spreading beyond. Ghosts of pleasure followed, until they too washed over him. He felt Sirius’s growing arousal press against his thigh and his own cock hardened in response.

“Sirius,” Remus said when his lips parted from the other boy’s. “I—”

Before he could say another word a pillow came flying from the other side of the room and struck them both in the face. The effect was not unlike a bucketful of ice water.

“James!” Sirius roared, thrusting the pillow out of the way.

James had rolled back onto his side. “If you want to snog at school with the curtains closed that’s your own business but _not in my bedroom_.”

“I’m going to kill him,” Sirius muttered. He rolled off of Remus and started for his friend, grasping the pillow like a murder weapon.

Remus grabbed his wrist and shook his head. But in the next moment he raised his own pillow.

“On three,” he whispered, slowly rising to his feet. “One… two…”


End file.
